I have been giving thought to quitting my job. Not because it's a bad job or anything like that. I really do love it and I almost look forward to going most days. Granted all I do is make coffee like a common garden variety McDonald's employee or something but my fellow employees are really nice, the customers are nice, and the benefits are nice. However, the cold season has well and truly hit now and  after working Black Friday I just feel kind of burned out. It's actually pretty draining once winter starts, especially when I have loads of homework. So...I might be leaving.

Besides, even better, a long while ago several of my friends in the lgbt encouraged me to become a bit more involved work wise. At the time I was terrified, it was sometime shortly before my mother brought up the divorce to me and I was very much on the outs with pa. Dylan was also still in Vancouver at the time and I just wasn't sure what I wanted. 

But I've been in the group for a long time now and I really feel like I'm doing something important at last. Ever since I graduated I couldn't shake this feeling of being absolutely useless. I mean...I couldn't even get into college without my boyfriend sacrificing everything he had because I'd disappointed my father and I didn't have a back up plan. And I don't have the same opportunities to volunteer or organize things now that I'm just a tiny fish among many.  But the group asked me to do something even bigger than the things I did in high school and as of recently, thanks to a lot of people on all ends, I'm very seriously considering it. 

I need some direction. Here's to trying new things.

There have been a couple of new things already though, both of which I'm pretty excited about. As mentioned earlier, Dylan is back. There was some act of God that allowed him to move back to Toronto and work here once again. After so many months moping about because I only got to see him on holiday's it's like breathing again. 

I guess it's not to say it's been all roses considering I'm still just as messed up as usual and accused him of things the other week. My mama taught piano when I was younger up until about the time I was a sophomore and she used to teach this boy named Kale. I didn't know him well or anything and I used to just sit beside him on the piano bench and ask inane question after inane question. I saw him the other day in passing and invited him over for dinner.

You could say I got a bit more than I bargained for. Apparently Dylan used to be completely infatuated with Kale and so I got...well I started acting like myself suffice to say and it exploded in my face. I think it's fixed. Or perhaps I simply convinced him it was.

Either way, the second great thing to happen is I moved my rusty social skills to work and started hanging out with this guy in group named Jacob. He's wicked funny and stupidly intelligent. It's hard to find people who will discuss philosophy with you but he majors in it and so sometimes we end up accidentally staying a couple hours late because we keep talking. =X 

So, all in all, I'd say I'm doing really well. My fiancé is home, my job may change, my grades are up, and I've got a new friend. Good times.

Dio I am freezing to death down here. It's not as if the temperature is cooling down early or anything, it's about sixteen degrees outside according to the weather website...I'm just always cold if it's under about twenty-five. I am hopeless. And doomed. Hopelessly doomed to die of hypothermia in my own bedroom.

Classes are a bit better this year. I'm avoiding any math like plague so it's going a bit more smoothly. Despite my dismal grades last year I'm in another psych class because I'm ridiculously in love with them even if I can't right a decent essay on the subject. I guess now without the constant looming expectation of my dad and the whole omgwtfmustbevaledictiorian thing I can just do whatever I want class wise. It doesn't really mean I enjoy being awful at it, but it's nice knowing I'm allowed to be. (though these Cs on essays need to stop)

Jill (she's the treasurer of the GLBT) transfered over to University College this year. She forwards her emails to most of us in the group and tells us about the sexual identity study program they have there. I am ridiculously jealous. The most I've got here is Gender Studies this year with Ellie. Perhaps I will look into switching over after this year. I need some kind of direction. Fast.

Sadly I only have Ellie in Gender Studies this year. I feel bereft!

*sigh* I have so little to say. I'm excited about school. I am every year. But it makes me sad and angry as well because I can never have both, have school and Dylan at the same time. But I guess that's how life works. I visited ma yesterday. It's probably why I'm sounding so stupidly depressed.  But she seemed certain it was all happening for a reason. She's said things like that to me since I was little and I guess in the end it turned out that way. I don't know. I've been insulted all my life for my optimism but that lady puts mine to shame any day. =]

In an effort to stay optimistic...I picked my bass up for the first time in a couple of years. I'm rusty. Really really rusty...but it was fun. I can still play all of the Squatch songs by heart. Craig would be proud...then he would hurl a drumstrick at me for not keeping tempo XD

I'm going to end this here...go try to find some more clothes and blankets.